Talking to your parents about sex, sexuality, and gender should not be intimidating, but many youth often feel uncertain about where to start. Creating a community of support around you is in an important part of understanding yourself and your identity. It’s normal to feel nervous or unsure about how to start these conversations, especially if you’re not sure how your parents will react. Whether you’re curious about sex, trying to figure out your sexual orientation, or exploring your gender identity, having open and honest conversations with supportive adults can help you feel more grounded and confident in who you are.
However, not all parents or guardians are open to these conversations, and sometimes talking to them can feel unsafe or uncomfortable. If that’s the case, there are other people and resources that can help you navigate these important topics.
Prepare Yourself Before the Conversation
Before talking to your parents, it might help to organize your thoughts. Ask yourself what you want to talk about and why it’s important. Are you asking for information about safe sex practices? Are you trying to explain or ask for support with your sexual orientation or gender identity? Knowing what you want to say can help calm your nerves and keep the conversation on track.
One good way to start the conversation is by having conversation starters at the ready. For example, you might start by saying, “I’ve been thinking a lot about my sexuality and I wanted to talk to you about how I’m feeling,” or, “I’ve been learning more about gender identity, and I think I might be questioning mine.”
Choose a Good Time
Timing can make a big difference when you’re about to have a serious conversation. Try to find a time when your parents are fully available to be invested in the conversation with you. Avoid bringing up big topics during arguments or when emotions are already running high. A relaxed setting can help keep the conversation positive and productive. Take breaks to regroup if needed.
Be Honest About Your Feelings
It’s okay to feel nervous or uncertain. Being honest about your feelings can actually help open up the conversation. You might say something like, “I’m feeling a little nervous about talking about this, but it’s important to me.” Letting your parents know how you feel can help them understand that this is a big deal for you, and it might help them take the conversation more seriously and ensure that they are being supportive and encouraging.
What If My Parents Aren’t Supportive?
Unfortunately, not all parents are ready to have open conversations about sex, sexuality, or gender. If your parents don’t respond in a supportive or affirming way, or if they make you feel unsafe, it’s important to know that there are other people you can talk to. Consider reaching out to a trusted adult, like a teacher, school counselor, or coach. Sometimes, having someone who understands you and can offer support is just as valuable as talking to a parent.
There are also many organizations that provide resources and safe spaces for teens who are exploring their sexuality or gender identity. Some of these organizations offer online chats, hotlines, or in-person support groups where you can connect with others who understand what you’re going through.
Here are a few organizations that can help:
- Planned Parenthood offers information on sexual health and relationships. They also provide support for questions about gender identity and sexual orientation. You can visit their website for educational resources and access to healthcare services.
- The Trevor Project is a national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ youth. They offer a 24/7 chat line, as well as resources for navigating conversations about gender and sexuality. You can reach out to them through their website or by calling their helpline.
- PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) offers support for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families. If you’re struggling to talk to your parents, PFLAG can provide guidance on how to approach difficult conversations, or even offer family support. Learn more at their website.
- Gender Spectrum provides resources and education for transgender and non-binary youth, as well as their families. They offer online groups for teens to connect with others who are exploring their gender identity. You can access their support through their website.
- GLSEN is an organization focused on creating inclusive school environments for LGBTQ+ youth. They offer resources to help students feel safer and more supported in their school community. Visit their website to find helpful information.
Remember: You Deserve Support
No matter where you are in your journey of understanding sex, sexuality, or gender, remember that you deserve to feel safe, accepted, and supported. If your parents aren’t ready to have these conversations or if they react negatively, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. There are people and resources out there who care and want to help you navigate this part of your life.
It’s okay to take things at your own pace and seek support from those who affirm your identity and value your well-being. You are not alone, and there is a whole community ready to stand by you as you explore who you are and what matters to you.